To finally letting go

One thing about me that I would love to change right now is how I hold on to the past. What happened, happend and I need to learn to let go.

But that is the problem, I just can't, I hold on to it and I don't know why I do that.

And of course it is no surprise but this does take a toll on me, mentally and emotionally, and I just can't go through with it any more.

I was at a memorial yesterday and the one thing everyone kept on repeating was being grateful for what you have and that life is too short. I couldn't agree more. Life is to short to be wasted on meaningless things, to be upset of such tiny and irrelevant issues. Life is to short to get angry at something that is so small and pointless.

I have to let go of the pain, anger and frustration. It is in the end holding me back. So hopefully I can change this because now I really want to.

BUT I know I cant change the fact that I get annoyed and irritated so easily, but I can TRY my best not to let it show, it is hiding a part of me, but showing didn't really get positive results, well not over here at least.

Like father, like daughter

To everyone the 9th of November is just another random day, but to me, it is the reason that I am here with you right now.

My father was born on this day and this post is a dedication to my father. =)

Everyone, well almost everyone, consider their father as their hero, someone they look up to and one day become just like them. I am one of those people. I am the oldest child, the first daughter, and so I've got a pretty close bond with my dad. We cam sit for hours just talking about anything and everything from the random family things, to politics to music and movies.

I am my father's daughter. I can't help but notice how we are so a-like. I got a lot of my fathers personality traits, but with a twist (my mum-which will be another post).

I, like many people, admire my father so much. I remember when I was younger I use to brag to my classmates on how strong my father was and that he could carry me ( I was in second grade) and I wouldn't shut up about it until my teacher asked me "can he carry Miss Randa?" (note Miss Randa was a teacher at our school and she was HUGE people use to call her the Undertaker after the famous WWF wrester also named the Undertaker) it was then I realised I need to shut up. :p

But that was just the beginning of my admiration, another thing that admire a lot about my father is the way he thinks and presents himself, they way he talks and makes argument/statements. I always wished I could present myself like him. I always want to sound smart and intelligent and states interesting facts. I use to research about so many things, I wanted to be a walking encyclopaedia, I wanted to be knowledgeable of what is going around in this world, just like my dad. I used to (still do actually) research the most randomest things, anytime I would read or hear about something I would just go back home and google it.

My dad use to do the same thing, but back in his day he would use a dictionary (old school) :P

And then there was music and films, i.e. entertainment. Our tastes are ALMOST exactly the same, with a few mushy chick flicks from me and hardcore action/war films from my dad.

But seriously I found about so many amazing musicians and songs from my dad, from back in the day, because of him I fell in love with classics.

So to sum up this post, I just want to express my love and admiration to my father. I know I make him sound like super-dad, and I know no one is perfect, but that's how most of us feel about our dads right? I know I kept on repeating my dad this, and my father that, but I just never got to express about him here on this blog, I mean if I go on telling people my dad is this and that I would lose friends, hehe

So all in all, Baba, I love you and Happy Birthday <3>

and I would post a few of his favourite songs just for the sake of it:

ofcourse lazim abu baker salim, and I must admit I kind of had my own Abu baker Salem phase to:

and some Oasis, I am so addicted to this song;

Madly In Love

"I have to call him, I need to talk to him!" she thinks to herself. She looks at her watch it's just pass midnight, she walks to her bedroom door and listens, she can hear her brothers talking and playing their computer games.

"Crap, their still awake" she paces in her room back and forth and tries to think of way in which she can communicate him she just wants to hear his voice. An hour passes, she stands against her bedroom door again and she hears nothing.

"OK I'll wait for a half an hour then I'll make my move".

After 30mins, she opens the door, looks both ways, the house is quiet. No movement, nothing, everyone is fast asleep. She creeps slowly, like a theif. She runs down the stairs, and goes out the back door.

It's nearly 2am now. She opens the and leave her house and she walks to the nearest petrol pump. It is a 10min walk from her house. Then once she gets there she uses the pay phone to call him.

So there she is, she reaches the pay phone, puts in her money and dials his number.

"Umm hello?" He answers the call

"Hey babe, it's me ... I" She replies

"What? Where are you calling me from? Whats going on?"

"Um, yeah I am like, um, I am out, it's a payphone near my house"

"No way?! You left your house? You crazy?! At this time, I am coming to get you, wait there"

"OK sure"

As she stands there, this guy comes out of the shop, and looks at her weirdly.

"Hey you, what are you doing her by yourself?" He asks her, as he is approaching her.

"I am waiting for my brother, he is coming now."

"I don't believe it, I am going to call the police"

"No, he is, don't call"

"Listen come in the car and I'll drop you home ..."

She looked at his car, and back at him, 'no way I am getting into his car' she thought to herself.

"Or I can just call the police, '' he takes out his phone and starts dialing.

She starts to freak out, "OK fine!" and she gets into the car, and he goes to the driver seat, as he starts moving the car, she looks out the window and realises that she is in a random guys car, so she says "Oh, wait there's my brother, I can see him, look at that guy"

He speeds the car and drives off, she starts to panic and makes a rash decision that instant, she opens the door of the car and jumps out, and runs for dear life, she hides at an old building, and the guy turns his car around looking for her, but he can't find her. She 'limps' home with a bloody knee and sneaks back into her house.

Her 'boyfriend' on the other hand is driving around her neighbourhood looking for her, he drives around for a while and then give up and goes home and then next day gets a text saying everything was alright. Little did he know.

Now she is not psychotic, not insane or mentally challenged. She is a normal teen, with loving family and friends. She was just madly in love. Love was her mistake.

I won't say this story is fact or fiction, that's for you to decide. But no matter what know that this happens and young girl are so clueless of all of this because it is such a taboo topic from where we are from and they easily get lost.

Dedication to November

As the clock strikes 12 we enter the lovely cold weather month of November. This month has a special place in my heart. My father's birthday, my closest cousins birthday and my country's national day.

Novemeber I love you, when you come along you remind of how I lucky I am to have an amazing father, a 'always there for me' cousin/sister/bestfriend and an inspiring country.

I am proud to have them in my life.

Hello November just keep on making me smile. =)

Funny how girls think a-like

SOOOO

Today I had a meeting with this society I joined and I was the first person to arrive. (I know sounds very sad but trust me people were running late)

Anyhoo so here I am standing in front of the room and here comes this dude standing not to far away from me. I then come to the conclusion that he is also going to be in the same meeting as me, so then I change my BB status into "first meeting, no one's here but one guy should I say hi?"

And then I get like a lot of replies from my friends/cousins all asking the same question "is he cute?"

Now that cracked me up, and yes he was kind of cute, and when I told them that they all were like go say hi, but you see because I was so busy replying to everyone's BB messages, other people showed up and I started talking to them and I missed my chance.

He could've been my prince charming! HHAHAHAH imagine, that would be one funny story, don't you think? :P

Back to the heading and point of this random post, girls think a-like, and like they say, all great minds think a-like. =)

Life after Death

When people think of death the first and most normal thought is death of a person. Losing someone forever. Then they think death of another type of living organism, be it an animal, plant or anything else.

Here is a different way of looking at it, death of a relationship; death of a friendship. OK so I admit ‘death of a friendship’ does sound different and strange, but as I was sitting in my lecture (suppose to be paying attention but the lecturer was so boring I drifted off to my wonderland) I thought that a relationship between two friends is like a living thing on its own, you feed it by love and attention. So much effort from both ends needs to be put, and with neglect or some ‘disease’ it can easily die.

It happens, to everyone, at some time of their life. To some people it happens more often than others.

An example of it from a first person point of view:

I tried to hold what little love we had for each other. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I couldn’t believe it could happen this easily. People look onwards and I feel them pitying us. All ready to give us condolences.

But I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t going to give up without a fight and so I did just that. But you, you lost all faith. You easily let go and gave up, just like that.

I guess that’s what hurt me the most. And so before I knew it, the day came. We were just no longer friends, our friendship and love for each other died.

The undertaker took it away swiftly and then I was left alone in the dark. I was cold, and upset. I couldn’t cry anymore for all my tears dried up. I just stood there, in the darkness not knowing what to expect, and then in the distance I saw something. It was just a flicker at first, but then I got closer to it and saw some light, alas, my world of darkness has found its light and with that a new friendship has formed. It was indeed life after death.

I hate being crush-less

OK, OK, I know I am being a total girly-girl but seriously it sucks not liking anyone! I am the kind of person that always had a crush (I know it's ironic because I am so sceptical and cynical about the whole 'love'thing) and right now it has been almost a year and I don't even like anyone and it is an annoying feeling!

I mean, don't you just love having a crush? (a normal non-stalkerish type of crush) Always looking forward into bumping into them. Having the hugest smile when you see them. Making a fool out of yourself when they talk to you ... good times =)

But now? NOTHING! NADA! NO ONE! and I don't like this, and it doesn't help that I am in the UK with lack of my people! -.-

So I know this a total pointless post, but that is how I feel =p

Oh potential crush, where art thou? *sigh*